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Elite Member
Group: Moderators
Last Login: 7/8/2008 9:13 AM
Posts: 461,
Visits: 267
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Subject: Helpful Blonde
As a trucker stops for a red light, a blonde catches up. She jumps out of her car, runs up to his truck, and knocks on the door.
The trucker lowers the window, and she says "Hi, my name is Heather and you are losing some of your load."
The trucker ignores her and proceeds down the street.
When the truck stops for another red light, the girl catches up again.
She jumps out of her car, runs up and knocks on the door.
Again, the trucker lowers the window. As if they've never spoken, the blonde says brightly, "Hi my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
Shaking his head, the trucker ignores her again and continues down the street.
At the third red light, the same thing happens again.
All out of breath, the blonde gets out of her car, runs up, knoc ks on the truck door. The trucker rolls down the window. Again she says "Hi, my name is Heather, and you are losing some of your load!"
When the light turns green the trucker revs up and races to the next light.
When he stops this time, he hurriedly gets out of the truck, and runs back to the blonde.
He knocks on her window, and after she lowers it, he says...
"Hi, my name is Kevin, it's winter in Michigan and I'm driving the SALT TRUCK
Located In Rockford Michigan
Hand fed baby Lovebirds and cockatiels
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Elite Member
Group: Moderators
Last Login: 7/8/2008 9:13 AM
Posts: 461,
Visits: 267
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The Spoon
For all of you who deal with restaurants and understand the need for the service to be faster, this story is a timeless lesson on how consultants can make a difference to an organization.
Last week, we took some friends out to a new restaurant and noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange.
When another waiter brought our water, I noticed he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket.
Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in their pockets.
When the waiter came back to serve our soup I asked, 'Why the spoon?'
'Well', he explained, 'the restaurant's owners hired Andersen Consulting to revamp all our processes. After several months of analysis,they concluded that the spoon was the most frequently dropped utensil. It represents a drop frequency of approximately 3 spoons per table per hour. If our personnel are better prepared, we can reduce the number of trips back to the kitchen and save 15 man-hours per shift.'
As luck would have it, I dropped my spoon and he was able to replace it with his spare. 'I'll get another spoon next time! I go to the kitchen, instead of making an extra trip to get it right now.'
I was impressed. I also noticed that there was a string hanging out of the waiter's fly.
Looking around, I noticed that all the waiters had the same string hanging from their flies. So before he walked off, I asked the waiter, 'Excuse me, but can you tell me why you have that string right there?'
'Oh, certainly!' Then he lowered his voice. 'Not everyone is so observant. That consulting firm I mentioned also found out that we can save time in the restroom. By tying this string to the tip of you know what, we can pull it out without touching it and eliminate the need to wash our hands, shortening the time spent in the restroom by 76.39 percent.
I asked 'After you get it out, how do you put it back?'
'Well,' he whispered, 'I don't know about the others, but I use the spoon.'.
Located In Rockford Michigan
Hand fed baby Lovebirds and cockatiels
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Executive Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 5/10/2008 12:16 PM
Posts: 56,
Visits: 36
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I dialed a number! and got the following recording:
"I am not available right now, but
Thank you for caring enough to call.
I am making some changes in my life.
Please leave a message after the
Beep. If I do not return your call,
You are one of the changes." 
MOM of Two
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Executive Member
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 5/10/2008 12:16 PM
Posts: 56,
Visits: 36
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| How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
MOM of Two
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Administrator
Group: Administrators
Last Login: 8/12/2008 9:57 AM
Posts: 256,
Visits: 686
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JESS (3/16/2008)
How do you get a sweet little 80-year-old lady to say the F word?
Get another sweet little 80-year-old lady to yell *BINGO*!
That sound about right. 
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Forum Newbee
Group: Forum Members
Last Login: 5/6/2008 5:16 PM
Posts: 7,
Visits: 14
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| And Jess that Little old lady Joke was GREAT Four Worms and a lesson
A minister decided that a visual demonstration would add emphasis to his Sunday sermon. Four worms were placed into four separate jars.
The first worm was put into a container of alcohol.
The second worm was put into a container of cigarette smoke.
The third worm was put into a container of chocolate syrup.
The fourth worm was put into a container of good clean soil.
At the conclusion of the sermon, the Minister reported the following results:
The first worm in alcohol - Dead
The second worm in cigarette smoke - Dead
Third worm in chocolate syrup - Dead
Fourth worm in good clean soil - Alive.
So the Minister asked the congregation - What can you learn from this demonstration?
Maxine was sitting in the back, she quickly raised her hand and said,
"As long as you drink, smoke and eat chocolate, you won't have worms!"
That pretty much ended the service
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Elite Member
Group: Moderators
Last Login: 7/8/2008 9:13 AM
Posts: 461,
Visits: 267
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WHERE DO RED-HEADED BABIES COME FROM?????
After their baby was born, the panicked father went to see the Obstetrician.
"Doctor," the man said, "I don't mind telling you, but I'm a little upset
because my daughter has red hair. She can't possibly be mine!!"
"Nonsense," the doctor said".
"Even though you and your wife both have black hair, one of your ancestors
may have contributed red hair to the gene pool."
"It isn't possible," the man insisted."?? ??? ?"This can't be, our families
on both sides had jet-black hair for generations. "
"Well," said the doctor, "let me ask you this. How often do you have sex???
The man seemed a bit ashamed . "I've been working very hard for the past
year. We only made love once or twice every few months."
"Well, there you have it!" The doctor said confidently.
"It's rust."
Located In Rockford Michigan
Hand fed baby Lovebirds and cockatiels
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